Healing Comes

I’ve heard that there are some wounds that never heal,hurts that we can’’t rid ourselves of.These ones that are chilling to the bones.The ones that we keep reliving but I do believe we can get better when we desire to.

We’ve worn these entanglements for so long.For some,we’ve adorned like jewelry and showcased them as precious jewels.We’ve prided in these entanglements.We’ve hailed our pains,our struggles,our wounds and fears.We’ve given them much power than they deserve and given these nourishment they’ve begin to live as parasitic organisms sucking the very lives out of us and sucking the color from our lives.Oh these remnants!

Heal.Healing does come.Healing is a process,an active one.It’s not smooth and it’s not easy.I’m not here to say that it is nor give a formula for it.Otherwise,most wouldn’t hold on to these remnants.They say that our struggles makes us who we are.Sometimes,we need to forgive ourselves,we’ve begrudged ourselves for way too long.Healing is not a far fetched idea.Healing does come.Healing takes time but healing comes.

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Mama

It’s been ten years already mama and none have been able to fill the huge gap you left in our hearts.Every day,moment and celebration reminds us of how painfully death snatched you from our grip.We’ve mourned for long and we still long for you.We long for the warmth and love of a mother.This is my tribute to you mama.This is the tribute that I never read to you cos I was still in denial.Today is not a day for tears or sorrow.Today I celebrate you. I cherish the moments we had,the sacrifices you made for us,the discipline you instilled in our lives.Today we look at ourselves and we’re proud of the people we’ve become.

Mama your memories still resides in us.It’s a treasure we can’t part with.

♥️

UNCUT

A seed isn’t the same as a seedling. There’s been a transition. There was pressure and a bit of crushing. In the end, it sprouted, its head springing from the dust. It was buried so it could live.
Yesterday was once today but today is another day. The days may seem similar but none is exactly like the other. A step taken today makes a difference from the step taken yesterday. A difference of a second is still a difference.

Progress isn’t always rapid. Progress may be slow, arduous and frustrating. A step at a time, a day at time and a word at a time. It may take time, it may tarry but it’s still progress and it matters, it counts and of significance. Be kind to yourself, be considerate to yourself and give yourself a chance. Breathe.

Perhaps in our uncertainties, we’re still learning and growing. Perhaps in the glitches, there’s still change taking place.
Perhaps in our anxieties and brokenness and in what we may call the ugly situations, there’s still beauty lurking somewhere. There’s beauty around and it’s beautiful how far you’ve come through it all.

This is my gratitude. After every inspiration I’ve received, this is my gratitude. I’m grateful for the lessons, for the people around, grateful for the people I’ve met, grateful for the things that gave me joy and sorrow. I’m grateful for you and most importantly I’m grateful to God. This has been possible because of His love.

THE REMNANTS OF THE PAST

These are the remnants of the past
The ones that stuck with us
The skeletons that remained after everything
The ones for which we took our weapons, trudged wearily and battled against

The ones that remained, targeting our minds and emotions
These are the ones that fed off our confidence
The ones that fed off our self image
The ones that made our adequacies inadequate

The remnants of the past…
That left us a long time or so we thought
Till they returned unannounced one night, choking us in our sleep
Till they arrived one day, reminding us of our fears
Fears we wished over and over to get rid off
Fears we thought we left behind in the past resurface all over again forcing us to relive the horrendous history

These are the ones that stole our voices and stole our breath causing us to gasp for air
The ones that caused us to remain locked behind bars
Confined in our own minds and thoughts

The remnants of the past…
The ones for which we sacrificed the greater good in exchange for the trivial
The ones for which we chose to remain shrouded
The ones for which we refused to let the sun’s rays through; we refused to see the day
The ones that made it difficult for us to reach out and be reached

The ones that stole our joy and inner peace
The ones for which we faked our personalities, pretending to be who we weren’t and living as people we couldn’t recognise
The ones that are not to be here at this phase of our journey

The remnants of the past…
The ones for which we compounded our doubts into a poisonous mixture
Killing slowly and softly, we didn’t even realize it
We were dulled; our shine was stolen
It was a yoke on us, a heavy conscience of guilt hovering around us

Here they come again
The fears that messed with us, seized us and immobilized us
The insecurities that were never there yet seem to be there when we had to take a step
The inadequacies that made our minds foggy and stole our capabilities to think
These remnants thought for us!!!
And here they come again

This time, I choose to live
I choose to learn and grow
This time, I take that step that has always been due

STORYTELLER

There’s a story to tell
Tis true, I’ve been around for just a while
But in this short while I’ve laughed and cried
I’ve experienced joy and sorrow alike
These years and their respective events is gradually being crafted and molded into a story

Like all other stories, there’s a beginning
One that fills the void and emptiness
I may only be at the beginning of mine
But isn’t that just how drama unfolds?
The cast and crew being introduced alongside their roles accompanied by the twists and turns and suspense

I have a story to tell
Of how far we’ve come
The dreams we dreamt and envisioned and the daily struggles to achieve these dream of ours
There’s a story to tell
The things we lost
The people we met
The hurdles we came across
The choices both right and wrong that we made

There’s a story to tell
Of how through our pain, hurts and disappointments we still held on
Washing our tear stricken face and trusting as we go
Being the fighters that we really are
There’s a story to tell

THE WARRIOR WITHIN

How many times haven’t we tried?
How many times haven’t we made the effort?
How long does this really last?
“I’m at the end of my rope”, we say
Yet the story remains same

How many times haven’t we fallen and yet how many times do we rise?
How many times haven’t we found strength in the motivations?
We begin excitedly then things dwindle
How many times would we say enough is enough?

But through it all, can we say this is the final edict?
Through it all, can we really say I’m done trying?
I can’t really tell if it’s too late but I know it’s still too early to settle

We’re pressed at all sides
Crushed at every angle
Battered and bruised
disappointed and hurt
Yet we rise

Down but not out
Bent but not broken
How do I explain this?
This strength that persists against all odds
That makes us trudge with all these weariness

I arrived at this
THERE’S A WARRIOR WITHIN
One that pushes through and reminds us of who we really are and
what we’re capable of

We don’t get on by muscle alone
We’re armed
We’re armed with strength for battle
Strength that is clearly manifested in our weakness

There’s a waging war
One fought from victory
The victory that was ours way before we even were
It’s embedded deep within our DNA

Take a good look at this frail outlook
There isn’t much to look at
It only seems as if things are falling apart on the inside
But look again, take a much closer look
There’s far beyond what meets the eye
What is seen isn’t always what one gets

We’ve being rescued from dead end alleys and dungeons
We’re not giving up
Consistency, consistency,consistency
We’ll get there

THERE’S A WARRIOR WITHIN

ANXIETY

There was no way to put an end to this or so I thought.The clammy hands and skin,the pulsating and pounding sound of my own heart beat and hyperventilation that refuses to go away.It’s like my very life is being sucked out of me.The jitteriness and fear that lingers in my unfocused eyes.I tell myself that I’m okay.I lie to myself so that I can help me take a step.I’d completely loss track of what lies ahead.Tomorrow didn’t matter; I had to get through today.I had to get pass the fears; imaginations that were realities in my mind.

My anxieties!!!
My own awareness working against me.My mind has become so susceptible and my emotions have become like the bridle of a horse controlling the whole of me.
It’s okay if it were physical but this is a fight to be fought in my head.I’ve become an examiner, dissecting to the very core of this matter and carrying out an autopsy of what could possibly have gone wrong.There’s fog hovering over my mind;my judgment is clouded.My solutions are of no help and the laboured breathing persists.I just can’t seem to dust off this shakiness.

So I prayed.
I picked my worries one after the other and molded them into a prayer.The frustrations and worries came gushing.I understand I handled things impetuously so here I am.
I have arrived.I’m broken.I’m hurt. I’m unfinished and I gave in to my emotions.I know this won’t be a quick fix but like chemotherapy, it will take time, gradually permeating through my cells.I’m ready to do it your way; my methods failed me.